I'm back and vent time.....

5 min read

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Mimimizukikudo's avatar
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Hey guys, who missed me?

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Well boo, I missed you guys :iconpolandplz: hehe....

So how have you guys been? Better than I have I hope...! ^^


I'm wondering who will even bother to read this far..... *laughs awkwardly* probably not many ^^; but to those of you who have...I'm glad! I know I sound like a normal teen right now and it sounds like nothing, but I need someone to talk to and...yeah.... Now to the deep shit~


*don't judge me because of this....*


I hate feeling weak. I absolutely HATE it. I have since I was little. That's why I honestly stuck to myself until middle school (save for the two people who snuck into my life and are still there after all my shit~). I hide my feelings all the time from people, and I lie constantly to hide my true intentions. I have a hard time trusting others, so when I do, it's 100% there. I've had people I've trusted leave me behind for no reason, and it hurt like nothing else. It made me feel vulnerable, like I was an open book....and that's when I developed my "mask".it helped me stay safe for the pain.....until now. I've recently started to open up to those outside of my mini family, and...well, I can say I've gained a lot more friends than my whole life up until now. I hid my masks way in the darkest corners of my heart, and let people see what I truly feel. It was amazing....until I let someone get in a little too far ^^;. They didn't betray me or any shit like that....it's something way different. I blame myself for it anyways. I like this guy...and we hang out all the time...but he isnt sure how he feels. hell, im not even sure how i feel. but we're  close.......and I'm afraid well both get hurt because of how I feel.... And I just don't want to mess things up with him! He's the nicest guy I've actually talked to....and well, he's just amazing in general. But back to the point of me possibly fucking shit up....

This makes me feel horrible, the worst I've ever felt. I don't want to fuck shit up like I always end up doing....but I know I will. I've been told not to cry, to be strong and other things like that....but it's just so hard. I've already decided to push whatever I feel aside so we can continue to be friends, but I've realized it's not so easy. But then again, when is ANYTHING ever easy in my fucked up life? I just sometimes want to shout I'M FINISHED! I GIVE UP ON THIS STUPID GAME!  But I know that wont help ^^;


I hate this....I hate feeling...


I....I just need to talk to someone who cares.....

I just wish I could go back to being heartless....it was so much easier.

And I know he'll probably read this.....and I'm sorry if you do....I'm so so SO sorry for everything 'Haruhi'! I just...I needed to vent.


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hotpotudon's avatar
Oh girl you already know I miss you :'( I'm sorry. I LOVE YOU!!!